Tag along

Well today the bicycle did come out of the shed : )  Not only the bicycle, but also my sons tag along bike that attaches to the back.  We cycled together down to the village to the library and shop.  Getting there is easy as it's mostly down hill, still, when I got off the bike in the village I felt light headed.  We did the few things we had to do and then mounted our bikes again ready for the return journey.  Coming up the hill I realised that my gears 1 to 7 weren't working.  I anticipated that we would have to get off before the top and walk but actually we made it all the way.  I had to shout lots of encouragement to DS behind me to peddle like billyio as my engine was running out of power.  Pedal he did and together we made it all the way home.  I felt quite emotional when I got inside as I thought about us coming down a slope in the lane both exclaiming "Wheeeeeee" as our bike freewheeled towards the final incline before the house.  Doing something physical with him like this felt great.
This situation came about following a Mickel therapy session I had this morning via skype.  We talked about my sleep patterns.  Also about not feeling guilty about my current need to put myself first.  I need to look after my own needs so that I will be stronger and be able to do more for the family.  We also talked about my fear to commit fully to Mickel because of it's conflict with lots of the medical advice I've been given.  This is a tricky one.  Anyway, I was inspired to get on my bike.
My challenge now is to not think about what negative effects the cycling will have on my body, but to enjoy the fact I've done it and look forward to and plan my next activity.  It is about retraining my brain to have positive thoughts associated with physical activity and get rid of all the horrible thoughts of symptoms and funny turns that my brain currently associates with physical activity.  Hopefully today will have gone some way to helping that.
Earlier this week we took in a delivery of logs.  They are emptied on to our drive and we have to wheelbarrow them around to the back and load them in the log store.  Eighteen months ago I tried to help Ant with this task and made myself ill with a relapse that lasted several days.  This week however I'd like to think I was a real help.  I moved about a quarter of the logs in the wheelbarrow before realising that I'd done enough and stopping.  This was a good achievement.  It's really useful to have a like for like comparison with such an activity to see how much I've come on.  The only negative effect?  My body was aching for the next two days, but how nice to have a body aching from some physical activity : ) 

A visit to the cranial osteopath

This morning I have been to see my cranial osteopath.  It takes me around 50 minutes to get to his practice and fortunately as Ant is on holiday he offerred to drive me.  This is just as well as I think I would have struggled to drive back today, it certainly wouldn't have done me any good.
Lots of positives came out of my appointment.  I explained that I had been feeling really good even though I'm showing all sorts of symptomns and he thinks these symptomns are all signs of change taking place in my body.  He also doesn't think that my body is struggling with the decrease in betablocker.  He thinks that my circulation is infact benefitting from the reduction, so that's good.  We talked about ascorbic acid and I mentioned Mickel Therapy.  He is concerned about me overdoing it a bit.  I need to be mindful of this and not too impatient.
The treatment was slightly different today.  He spent the whole time on my head and towards the end of the session his activities seemed a bit more forceful than usual, it is usually such a gentle treatment.  When he'd finished he said you're probably going to feel some after effects from  today's session.  See how it goes over the weekend and just go with it, but if there's anything that your concerned about still on Monday then call me.  So, this could be bad timing as this afternoon the whole family have driven off to Yorkshire without me.  I'm now worried I'm going to get some symptoms or even one of my funny night time episodes following the treatment and Ant isn't going to be around.  I feel so much safer when he is there because he knows just what to do and say when these things happen.  When I hear myself saying this I feel really pathetic.  I have been such a strong woman in the past, but now being on my own concerns me.  Anywho, the positive side of this is that I can just spend the whole weekend recovering and relaxing and not under any pressure to do anything else, which is probably a good thing.
I finished my appointment at 11.30am  and was completly wiped out when we got home so have spent the afternoon on the sofa.  Five and a half hours later I'm starting to feel some energy return. It was a good appointment today, I just hope I don't get any nasty response, but if I do, i'll deal with it : ) 
A tv dinner beckons.

Update

Well the bike is still in the shed, haven't gone as far as getting that out yet, but I have walked down to the village this week.  It's been a bit of a mixed time since last posting.  Everyone has been telling me I look so well and I have such a good colour these days which is great to hear, but at the same time I have had mouth ulcers and cold sores and spots and my hair continues to fall out!  Despite all this I DO feel better than I have for two years.  Very strange.  I know that my cranial osteopath will probably say that this is a sign of infection trying to leave my body, I hope that's the case.
Sadly, my heart rate now seems to be responding to the fact that I've cut down my betablocker medication and my heart rate now seems to spend alot of time at around the 100 bpm mark.  This didn't start until about three weeks after I'd reduced my medication so I had thought all was going well and there wasn't going to be a reaction.  So, my plan to reduce the medication again at the start of September was put on hold.  I'm going to wait a little longer and see if it settles back down.
This week I heard from a friend who has CFS.  She has been so well for years and was back to doing things like exercise classes at her local gym.  I always took much encouragement from this as she had been so bad at the start of her illness, far worse than I, so it was very motivational to see her doing so well.  Unfortunately she has had a relapse over the summer and been unwell for about 8 weeks.  This shocked me.  She seems to have taken it in her stride and says when this happens these days she knows she will get back to her previous activity levels again.
On a positive note I went along to a lunch time meditation session today, just for half an hour, but it was very interesting.   It was a small group, but a real mixture of people.  I'm not sure I will go again, but I'm  glad I've gone just to see what they get up to.  It sort of illustrated to me that actually my meditation is going along okay just as it is, me and my ipod