Friday, 23 September 2011

Tag along

Well today the bicycle did come out of the shed : )  Not only the bicycle, but also my sons tag along bike that attaches to the back.  We cycled together down to the village to the library and shop.  Getting there is easy as it's mostly down hill, still, when I got off the bike in the village I felt light headed.  We did the few things we had to do and then mounted our bikes again ready for the return journey.  Coming up the hill I realised that my gears 1 to 7 weren't working.  I anticipated that we would have to get off before the top and walk but actually we made it all the way.  I had to shout lots of encouragement to DS behind me to peddle like billyio as my engine was running out of power.  Pedal he did and together we made it all the way home.  I felt quite emotional when I got inside as I thought about us coming down a slope in the lane both exclaiming "Wheeeeeee" as our bike freewheeled towards the final incline before the house.  Doing something physical with him like this felt great.
This situation came about following a Mickel therapy session I had this morning via skype.  We talked about my sleep patterns.  Also about not feeling guilty about my current need to put myself first.  I need to look after my own needs so that I will be stronger and be able to do more for the family.  We also talked about my fear to commit fully to Mickel because of it's conflict with lots of the medical advice I've been given.  This is a tricky one.  Anyway, I was inspired to get on my bike.
My challenge now is to not think about what negative effects the cycling will have on my body, but to enjoy the fact I've done it and look forward to and plan my next activity.  It is about retraining my brain to have positive thoughts associated with physical activity and get rid of all the horrible thoughts of symptoms and funny turns that my brain currently associates with physical activity.  Hopefully today will have gone some way to helping that.
Earlier this week we took in a delivery of logs.  They are emptied on to our drive and we have to wheelbarrow them around to the back and load them in the log store.  Eighteen months ago I tried to help Ant with this task and made myself ill with a relapse that lasted several days.  This week however I'd like to think I was a real help.  I moved about a quarter of the logs in the wheelbarrow before realising that I'd done enough and stopping.  This was a good achievement.  It's really useful to have a like for like comparison with such an activity to see how much I've come on.  The only negative effect?  My body was aching for the next two days, but how nice to have a body aching from some physical activity : ) 

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