It's so hard to put yourself first when you have a family at home, but it's so necessary sometimes. As a mother I can't bear the thought that my children might miss out on something because I am not physically capable of making it happen for them. Today, I was busy all day, including a lot of driving. When I did get home at about 3pm I put Ben in the bath as he was covered in mud head to toe after a day at forest school - his mud caked clothes are still in the back of the car as I just couldn't face dealing with them! I washed his hair and made sure he was warm and cosy with a hot drink. Then I turned my attentions to the kitchen and the havoc that was left after breakfast and lunch, then to what we were going to have for dinner. By four thirty I was done for. I managed to serve up a bad meal and then retired to the sofa. I really should have gone to bed, but I didn't want another day to end at with bed at 7pm. Somehow it feels more normal to collapse on the sofa at 7, some well people probably do that. So I made it to 8.30 in front of a tv that was blaring and grating against my nervous system, trying to be normal, before giving in to the call of the bed. I'm here now about to search online for a retreat for myself. The world is to noisy and I can't focus at the moment. I know that whilst I'm at home I won't put my needs first, there is always something to do and I need to get away. A chance to refocus and do what I need to do for me.