Saturday, 19 November 2011

A Positive Day

I had a really great appointment with my Cranial Osteopath (CO) on Thursday.  He said that evreything in my body is moving better than it ever has since I started seeing him (about two years now).  He was very upbeat and commented on how far my system has come since my initial visits.  Of course, I know that everything is slowly moving in the right direction, but it's always encouraging to hear someone else say it : ).  There is apparently just one area of resistance in my body now and that is around the upper left side - ribs, shoulder, diaghphram.  It's like my body is being overly protective of itself in this area, interesting as it's the area connected to the heart.  Anyway, my CO doesn't normally say very much, so when he does I take notice.  I am sure he will sort this left side issue out.
So, I was on a bit of a high driving home.
Had a few hours at home taking it easy - sometimes seing the CO can completly wipe me out - then it was up to the hospital to see the heart specialist.  Haven't seen him since January so there was lots to talk about.  I told him that I  now cut my betablocker in half so am only having half a tablet every morning (have been doing this for about two weeks, down from three quarters) and we talked about what effect this might have.
He is also keen for me to come off them in time.  He is organising a tilt table test for me and also going to do another scan.  I asked him all my silly paranoid questions such as is playing the bassoon putting a strain on my heart? - It is really hard work.  The answer is that it shouldn't, infact it might help - hurrah!  So, another upbeat appointment.
I'm reading a book at the moment called Bounce: The Myth of Talent and Practice by Mathew Syed and it is making me re-evaluate the way I am looking at things.  In particular my illness.  One of the problems of CFS/ME is that you come to see yourself as a sick person and that is not neccessarily a good place to be mentally.  It becomes part of your identity.  I have heard myself a couple of times over the past few months when relevant in conversations saying to people that "I have ME".  As I say it I hate the sound of it, yet I still say it.  Why don't I say "I am recovering from ME"?  Bounce has made me re-think things.  Most people who set out to achieve something in the world have a strong belief that they are going to achieve  it.  There is no room for doubt and I do occassionally have doubt.  I must put doubt aside and take on the principles of sports psychology...I AM going to recover from this.  It's a fascinating book, well worth a read.

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