Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Yay spots!

Feels like a while since I've blogged.  Brain fog is still with me and that is probably why I haven't managed to update.  Problem is I forget so quickly if i don't write down how I'm feeling.
Felt very nauseous when i went to my last Perrin appointment on Friday.  Fatigue is just under control at present.  The minute I do anything slightly exerting I feel the fatigue in my muscles straight away.  Yesterday for the first time I attended a school sports day and didn't take part in the parents race.  Normally my competitive being would be out there, not just to take part, but aiming to win.  Yesterday I did seem to have some kind of comfortable acceptance that it wasn't going to happen.  Just a fleeting thought of I wonder if my son is questioning why I'm not getting up to take part.  He knows I can't run, but he doesn't really understand why.  Maybe it's time to have that conversation with him in a bit more detail.  Anywhoose, he never mentioned the parents race so he obviously wasn't bothered and neither was I.  This is a bit of a step forward for me mentally I feel.  I have been reading about acceptance a little lately, the fact that we can either try and plough on and pretend that nothing is wrong or we can embrace a new way of relating to ourselves and the world.  Acceptance is not about giving in or giving up, but about facing that thing which we fear, turning towards it and taking hold of it.  This gives a better understanding and then hopefully it is possible to see things with a clearer mind and respond in a better way.  Acceptance can be linked to positive change.
That said, I still have work to do in this area as my brain still thinks a lot of the time that my body can cope with more than it can.  This weekend I had the idea that I wanted to do a car boot sale in the village and get rid of some old toys and games that were hanging around.  I was sensible to the point of saying that I wouldn't make a decision about this until the morning of the sale and see how I was feeling then.  When Sunday morning came the weather was coldish and blustery, threatening showers.  I was still up for doing the car boot, but fortunately Ant was there on hand pointing out the reality.  Why would I put my body through three hours of standing out in the cold?  He is only too familiar with the effect this has on me  - hot or cold, these things just zap me and he is the one who has to deal with the consequences.  He very sensibly talked me out of it, me walking away mumbling something about how I thought it might be okay and knowing of course that he was right.  It's  a bit of a running battle between brain and body about what can be done.
  I'm going to take DD2 to my Perrin appointment this week so she can observe how to position the thoracic wedge.
Then once my therapist thinks my body can tolerate it I will take a wedge home and use it every day to help mobilise to top of my spine. I have never been so pleased about discovering a spot on my body as I was yesterday.  Every week when I go to my Perrin treatment my therapist asks if I have any new spots and I normally say no.  Yesterday I woke to three spots around the area where I do the lymphatic massage.  I think this is a good thing, a sign of toxins trying to leave the body.  I shall take great pleasure in telling her I have spots this week.

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